I feel abandoned and unloved by my father

Dear Anna, A few years ago I lost my mum to cancer, and then I had my very own miscarriage. This has left me feeling resentful towards my dad, who I can honestly say…

I feel abandoned and unloved by my father

Dear Anna,

A few years ago I lost my mum to cancer, and then I had my very own miscarriage. This has left me feeling resentful towards my dad, who I can honestly say hasn’t helped me at all through this difficult time. I have been having problems in my relationship, and talking about it makes me more likely to have an argument, so I’ve been putting it off.

While I do have a boyfriend, he is stuck in a bad relationship with a controlling partner, which has made his breakup with me not a priority. He often tries to make me feel guilty for my mistakes and how he handled the relationship. I feel abandoned, and nothing I do helps get me closer to him. I’m 28, but I feel like I’m 35 and that I’m never old enough to understand how to help or relate to people.

I have never been interested in men or relationships, so I don’t think he thinks of me as mature, and that makes me feel incredibly unwelcome. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but as he doesn’t know why he behaves the way he does, I don’t think there’s much I can do.

Is his distrusting or controlling behaviour any different from what a non-altruistic man would do? I can tell I just can’t be close to him anymore, but he doesn’t seem interested in any change. I don’t know what he is trying to hide, but if I brought it up to him it would turn into an argument and probably not end well. I’ve never felt suicidal or like I have nowhere to turn. I wonder if this is normal to be feeling this way towards a parent, but I wouldn’t have been able to cope with it if my mum hadn’t been gone.

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